Monday, August 19, 2013

Not Your Bitch

I'm not your bitch. I never was. I acted like I was, but I never really was.
You got to me. Yes you got to me. Before I knew better. Before I knew how to stand up. I just didn't know how to be strong so I cowered to you, deferred to you and was dictated to by you
But now, from now on, for the rest of my time, I wont be your bitch.
Not anymore.
You wont control me.

No you wont.
You will not control me.
You will not dominate me.
You wont push me down.
You wont stop me.
Not anymore.
I am stronger than you and I have learned that you gain your power by convincing me. Convincing me that I should give in.
I wont give in anymore. Others give in. Gave in. Will continue to give in. I learned to give in from them. You can still torment them. They are still willing to believe. Believe that you have a power that you don't. I am past that point.
I still respect your power.
Understand it.
Realize it.
Accept it.
But I don't bow to it. I still understand your impact but I will control my own destiny. I gave you extra power. Others give you extra power when they make you more powerful 
than you actually are. You can still impact them on that level. But not me. I wont give you more credit than you deserve.
Yes, it is MY destiny. You can impact it but you wont drive it.
Not anymore.
I wont lie down.
No, I wont lie down.
And let you beat me into submission.
Not anymore.
I will take what you have to throw at me and I will rise up and fight harder. There wont be any pills. Or potions. No pills or potions. There wont be any lying down. No muting of my emotions. 
I suspect you will just go away. Just stop trying. Because I am not willing. I am not enabling. I am not facilitating your need to control and dominate me. 
Not anymore.

I have triumphed. You didn't break me. I have persevered.
You didn't even hinder me. I am stronger now. You only made my resolve stronger. I am withstanding you. You should move on to others. You should focus your energy on the weak. I am now the strong. You are wasting your time and energy on me.

I am not your bitch anymore. I wont be ever again. I never really was. I just thought I was. Which meant I was. But I wasn't. Now I know that.

So I am not.
Not your bitch. 


So I thank you.
For trying to make me into your bitch.

For now I know that nobody can.