Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Dream of Denial

Sitting on the bench awaiting my chance. My chance will come. It has to come. I was once the best. Don't they realize that? They have to.
I get it. There are others who are better now. I accept that. I will wait for my chance. It will come. They will take their turns, and then they will turn to me. Why aren't they turning to me?
The starter is now out of the game. Sure, they went to the number 2 guy. I get it. I am not the number 2 guy either. I know, I have fallen. A lot. I am way down the pecking order now. But still, I have to be at least the 3rd or 4th option. Surely they see that. You don't just lose it all. I was the best. I still have it. Just put me out there, and they will see. I just have to bide my time. Wait for my chance. Wait for another chance.
I will be the best again. Once I am out there, they will see. I was unhittable. I will be that again. They say I can't pitch anymore. My arm is dead. I have no juice left in it. They are wrong. Wait until I am out there. They will see. I will blow them away.
The second guy is now done. Here comes my chance. What? Another guy? I am better than that guy. Okay, now I am getting the message. They are not going to put me out there. What the fuck is going on here? I think, at the very least, I have earned my chance at one more shot. But, obviously they don't see it that way. The game is out of reach now. Four more guys have come and gone and here I sit at the end of the bench. The coach is not going to put me in. I can see that now.
One day, I will be with a new team, and I will get my chance. And I will show them. I still got it. That is what I said, on the last 3 teams that I failed on.
I guess I am only kidding myself. And I will keep doing that. One day, I will get it back. I have to. I just have to.
This dream, the one I have once a month, this dream of denial, never dies.

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