The pleasures of the flesh

Why?
Why?
Why?
That is what I asked myself as my hand moves from my hair down to my breasts. I slowly caress them, thinking of him.
I don't want to be like this, but I can't help myself. I want him.  I want him to want me. I know it's wrong of me, but desire consumes me. Takes over and squishes my desire to be eternal. The pleasures of the flesh are so strong. I can't resist them. I am going to hell,  I just know it.
I said I wouldn't flirt, but I can't help myself. He does things to me. Makes me wet just thinking of him and those eyes. I told him I was going to take a shower. I knew that made him hot. I wanted him to be hot for me. Made me hot to think he was hot for me. Temptation has overcome me and is winning. I am helpless to stop it.
He is so tempting. I can't resist that. I know that. I think of him as I tease my nipples. Thinking of him putting his lips on them. He put that sexy lips pic up just for me. To tease me. To tempt me. It worked.
The soap careens down between my breasts and towards my belly button. My hands follow it, just as his mouth would as he devours me. I know what I am going to do next. I can't stop myself.  Earthly and womanly desires have overtaken my existential hopes and dreams. I have to finger myself. I have to think of him inside me. I am weak. I know that.
My past haunts me. I have always been a slave to sex. To sexual pleasure. I gave that up. Or so I thought. But the desire is still there. I can't suppress it, no matter how much I try.  I dream of it, of him.  I wake up wet and frustrated. I need it. I need him. I have to have it. I try to resist it, but it is too tempting. I play with myself for an hour, only thinking of him. On top of me, making love to me. Touching me all over. My thoughts of god and eternal salvation take a back seat to my earthly desires here. At the moment that I cum, I feel my best. The highest. Ultimate euphoria. Then the letdown. I feel weak, guilty, mad at myself for being who I am. Is that wrong? I don't even know anymore. I hate myself but I love how it feels. How do you stop that? I have no idea.