Learning The Language

This is a story about a visitor to my house.  It does have some explicit sex involved. Read at your own discretion.
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My parents never had the best relationship and at some point it had to end. That came in 1986. At that time, money was a bit tight. By then, my sister had gotten married and moved out, and we had three empty rooms in the house. My mother decided to generate some income by taking in some summer students from York University. Since we had three empty rooms, we took in 3 borders. They were all very different.
One young guy was Italian, and spoke almost no English. He was nice enough and a good house guest, but I don't remember much about him.
A second guy, Dan,  was about 22 or 23 and was an American. I can't remember why he was here to study, but he was and it wasn't to learn English. He might have been the one teaching English at the University, but I am not sure either way. He was an interesting young guy,  although he did keep to himself and to his room most of the time. At this point in our lives, even though my parents had split up, my father was still in a lot of trouble and we had to deal with a lot of that. It was my mothers opinion that maybe Dan was a plant, a spy for the government to try and get some dirt on my father by listening to our conversations and reporting back. I don't know if that was ever true. I doubt it was, but he did learn a lot about our family. He even mentioned later on before he left that he realized we thought he could be a spy. Later in the fall, when something happened with my father (which I will go into in another story), we had to run to Chicago the next day, and Dan came along. A bit after that, for whatever reason, and one I can't remember, he moved out and on with his life. We never heard from him again.
The third border was a French woman from Quebec named Jocelyn. She spoke broken English. She was clearly French and she was in the news business but wanted to learn English so she could advance her career. That is why she was taking the English classes at the University. My memory is that she was somewhere around 27 or 28. I was 21 at the time.  
 

Although she spoke very poor English,  she was very friendly and chatty. I got to know Jocelyn a bit, as I was always good at relating to women, especially older women. Jocelyn confided in me that while she had a boyfriend back home in Quebec it was not going well and she was not satisfied. Part of the reason she came here was to get away from it all and take a break from him. I heard many conversations over the phone when they would fight, and she would be in tears. We did have some attraction, but nothing was happening for the first month to six weeks she stayed with us. I got the sense that because I was much younger than her, she was holding back. She did drop me hints that she was interested, and many times came out of the shower in a towel  that revealed quite a bit for me to see. My room was just outside that shower and she knew I would see her if she did that.
I remember it being a very hot summer. Boiling hot in fact. Jocelyn liked to sit out in the sun every day. I spent a lot of time outside practicing my golf swing and just generally getting some sun myself. That summer I worked for my uncle at his factory,  so I could take days off if I wished. And I did wish that. I liked to enjoy my summer and had made more than enough money by mid July for next years tuition and books.
 Jocelyn liked to sunbathe topless. She did lie on her stomach, but at times, she would turn over and I could see her breasts and she was very well built. Of course, being a young guy raging with hormones, I noticed that. I didn't know if she knew I could see her, but I assumed she could. There was a room that faced out to the backyard where she lied on a towel on the grass, and I could watch her from there. I did that a few times. 
 

It was a hot and sunny summer with very few rainy days, so this was a daily occurrence for Jocelyn. She got braver and braver as the summer went on and at one point would just lie on her back for quite some time topless. She had to know I could see her, but she didn't seem to care. At all times she did this, Dan and the Italian guy were at school, so she knew I was only one home.
The plan was that Jocelyn would stay until Labor day and then go back to her job in Quebec. We were now 2 weeks from that happening, and to this point, nothing had happened between us.
I decided to take a day off and go golfing, but that day turned into a very rainy day. I could not golf, nor could Jocelyn sunbathe that day. I went down to the kitchen to make lunch and she was in the den, across from the kitchen, reading. She always liked to read, even when she was laying out in the sun, she was always reading a book. I said hi and asked her what she was reading as I waited for my plate of french fries to cook. She showed me. It was an erotic story about two lovers who met by accident. While she chatted and looked at me, I noticed she didn't have a bra on, or any underwear. She clearly noticed that I noticed that. There was some sexual tension, but I was not going to make any move,  especially on a house guest who was 6 or 7 years older than me.
 
I ate my fries and offered her some. She took a few and then I took the rest up to my room. A few minutes later, while I was listening to the radio, I heard a knock on my door. I told her to come in,  and she did.
She asked if she could have more fries, sat next to me and took them off my plate. I could feel her naked leg rub up against mine. We both felt that.
 As she moved her hand onto my leg she asked me:
"You like me, right?"
I nodded that I did. She leaned into me and we kissed as she moved my hands under her top and onto her breasts. I had been with a few girls, but never a real woman like Jocelyn. Of course I had fantasized about her many times, but now it was happening. I was extremely hard and she reached over and felt that.
I was a jock, so I didn't date much. I loved girls, I always have, but sports was always more important to me. The few I did date and have sex with were very inexperienced like me, so it was basic and clumsy sex. I simply did not know any better at the time.
"I'm going to take off your shorts, that is ok, right?" she said as she moved her hand to the button and let it go loose.
 
Again, I nodded yes. I had been with girls, as I said, but none really knew what to do. I had never had a blowjob, but obviously she knew what to do, and I was going to let her lead. I was at her mercy. She took off my shorts and began to suck me,  at the same time lifting off her long t shirt to reveal her naked body to me. I had never seen a woman like that up close. On my mind was that I had no condoms,  so I knew where this was heading and I had to decide whether to fuck her and take that risk or stop when the time came.
Luckily for me,  she made that decision for me. She sucked me until I came and had me suck on her boobs for a short bit, then abruptly got up and left the room. She said nothing as she did that, but she smiled at me. I was pretty much in a stake of shock over the whole thing, but I went with the flow.
Two days passed and we smiled at each other but said nothing about the incident in my room. She had about 6 days left to go before she was heading back home. I still did not know what to do. But being the experienced one,  she did.


I was sleeping and it was very late, about 2am. The tv was still on. I always slept with the tv on.  I always have. As I rolled over I felt a hand on my back. Jocelyn was standing in front of me, completely naked,  with her hands on her breasts. She removed the covers from me and moved my hands onto her breasts. She motioned for me to kiss them, which I did. She was in complete control and I was to do whatever she wanted, and she knew that.
"Mark, I want you to fuck me, right now. I am on the pill,  so we don't need protection."
She didn't have to ask me twice, that is for sure. I had been dreaming of this moment all summer. We began to kiss as she was now on top of me, she leaned back and motioned for me to start licking her.  I had never done that before, but I was willing. She was going to teach me how to be a good lover, and she did exactly that.
As I began to lick her, she guided me and instructed me on how to do that. She was neither shy or in any mood to let me off the hook for being an inexperienced, clumsy lover. As I went along, I learned what she liked and just did that. It was a lesson I learned that day that has served me well over time. After a while, she just pushed me back and told me it was time to fuck her. And I did. We spent most of the night doing that, and I guess she was surprised how long I could last. At 6am we were still going, the sun was about to rise and others were sure to be up soon. She got dressed and left to go back to her room. Outside, Dan was there and he saw her come out of my room. He never said anything about it, but he looked at me differently from that day forward.
 That was our only night together. She made that clear. We weren't going to do that again, and she was going home and we would never have any contact again. And we didn't. I always wondered what happened to her, and I tried to look her up, but have never seen anything in the media to suggest her career went anywhere. I guess she didn't learn enough English that summer to make a difference. I however, learned plenty about the language of love.

 

The pleasures of the flesh

Why?
Why?
Why?
That is what I asked myself as my hand moves from my hair down to my breasts. I slowly caress them, thinking of him.
I don't want to be like this, but I can't help myself. I want him.  I want him to want me. I know it's wrong of me, but desire consumes me. Takes over and squishes my desire to be eternal. The pleasures of the flesh are so strong. I can't resist them. I am going to hell,  I just know it.
I said I wouldn't flirt, but I can't help myself. He does things to me. Makes me wet just thinking of him and those eyes. I told him I was going to take a shower. I knew that made him hot. I wanted him to be hot for me. Made me hot to think he was hot for me. Temptation has overcome me and is winning. I am helpless to stop it.
He is so tempting. I can't resist that. I know that. I think of him as I tease my nipples. Thinking of him putting his lips on them. He put that sexy lips pic up just for me. To tease me. To tempt me. It worked.
The soap careens down between my breasts and towards my belly button. My hands follow it, just as his mouth would as he devours me. I know what I am going to do next. I can't stop myself.  Earthly and womanly desires have overtaken my existential hopes and dreams. I have to finger myself. I have to think of him inside me. I am weak. I know that.
My past haunts me. I have always been a slave to sex. To sexual pleasure. I gave that up. Or so I thought. But the desire is still there. I can't suppress it, no matter how much I try.  I dream of it, of him.  I wake up wet and frustrated. I need it. I need him. I have to have it. I try to resist it, but it is too tempting. I play with myself for an hour, only thinking of him. On top of me, making love to me. Touching me all over. My thoughts of god and eternal salvation take a back seat to my earthly desires here. At the moment that I cum, I feel my best. The highest. Ultimate euphoria. Then the letdown. I feel weak, guilty, mad at myself for being who I am. Is that wrong? I don't even know anymore. I hate myself but I love how it feels. How do you stop that? I have no idea.

Not that there is anything wrong with that

I had first encountered Kim at a Blues Society function. I had been going to blues gigs all over town. Any gig really.
It started by complete accident. I had just moved to my new apartment but I had a crappy low paying job and money was tight. Most of the time I stayed in and entertainment consisted of walking my dog Minnie, going to the horse races, betting to show so I wouldn't lose, and watching a lot of television.
One night while flipping channels I encountered a program on the local cable tv channel called 'Stormy Monday'. It was a half hour show that featured clips of blues performers from the Monday night jam at Albert's Hall. I had never been to Albert's Hall but I knew of it because it was legendary.
Not being a drinker I rarely went to bars anyways. Each week though I would make sure to watch this show and each week it was filled with great local performers. The host, Danny Marks, mentioned that anyone was welcome to come down to this jam, but it was on a Monday night and I played floor hockey on Monday nights. The jam started around 10pm, and floor hockey finished at 11pm so I decided one night that I would go down and see what it was about.
The first thing that was apparent when I got there was how hard it was going to be to park. Being in an old neighborhood and on a main street, there was nowhere to park and it meant going into the residential and leaving it there. I was risking getting a ticket. But I was there, so I did it.
I made my way to the main street, Bloor Street, and noticed the neon sign. It of course looked exactly as it did on the tv program.
Albert's Hall was above The Brunswick House,  was a drinking bar for University kids from The University Of Toronto, which was just down the street. As the years went by,  I went in there once, but for the most part, I never went in there. Hanging around drunk frat boys and horny teenage girls wasn't ever my scene. But you had to pass The Brunswick House to get to the stairs up to Albert's Hall, which was on the second floor. There was no cover charge because it was a jam, so you just went right in.
As you turned the corner to go in it was immediately apparent that this place had atmosphere and presence. It was dark, it was smokey and in certain spots it was bright. Being an old venue where many of the legends of the blues had played over many years, it had that 50s feel to it, like it had been untouched by time.
I sat down near the back, on a stool, not a table, as I had come in after it was already started.
I really didn't know what to expect because this wasn't tv, it was real. I guess I hadn't realized that the tv show was staged and taped specifically for tv. This was certainly much different and livelier. One by one, performer after performer would just get up and sing a couple of songs, and it was a free for all. Musicians would just get up and join in pretty much at any time. I saw a few of the performers that I had seen on the tv show, plus many others I had never seen. It was a true jam, and it was captivating and fantastic.A 2 hour ride that was high intensity right until last call.
After that night, I attended pretty much every Stormy Monday for about 3 years, and continued to watch the tv show. I also began to write blues songs, and other songs, and would also start going to see some of the performers from those jams at their own gigs.
As I got into the scene more and more I learned of The Blues Society and their gatherings. I decided since I was now thinking about writing and publishing my songs that I would attend.one. I went down early and sat through the whole thing. Many of the artists at this event I had never seen. Some I knew of but had never seen live. They were all great. One in particular, Kim Doolittle,caught my eye. She was one I had completely missed along the way.  I had never seen or heard of her before. She was so talented and so unique that she stuck in my mind. Later when I got home I read The Blues Society flyer and saw she had a gig on Church Street.  It was not an area I went to often, but I had to see more of her.
It was a Sunday night, I remember that much. I rarely went to gigs on Sunday nights because I had to work very early Monday mornings. I usually went Friday and Saturday nights, and then of course on Monday nights to Stormy Monday. This place was also very classy, a lot more upscale than any bar I had been to listen to live music. There also weren't very many people in the bar, so unlike Albert's Hall it had no energy and seemed vacant. I made my way to the bar. I didn't drink much at all, but I couldn't hide in here as I could at  Albert's Hall.  I had to order and I did. I ordered a screwdriver. I had always been able to tolerate a screwdriver, because I liked orange juice and vodka was the one alcoholic beverage that I could stand the taste of.
I didn't know Kim and she didn't know me. As I would come to find out in the years to come, that wouldn't matter. Kim has always been the type to talk to everyone and I was no exception to that. The gig had not started yet and it was a solo gig. Just her. Not much equipment. Just her and her guitar. She had already tuned her guitar and plugged in, so she made the rounds before she got started. There weren't many rounds to make, because as I said the place was pretty empty. She approached me and introduced herself.
Anyone who knows me knows I am very approachable. I don't go looking for contact, but I don't shy away either, and when prompted I am not short of things to say or the will to say them. As we started to talk we hit it off right away. I mentioned that I had noticed her at The Blues Society gig and came specifically to see her here. Kim was always very perceptive and she quickly realized that I didn't know the type of place I was in. That would become relevant later on. She mentioned she also had a jam on Tuesday nights at Quinn's on the Danforth,  and I should come out to that. I said I would certainly do that, and I did attend that jam for about 2 years while it lasted.
After 10 minutes, she got up and started playing. She was great, just as I had expected. A true talent. A natural storyteller and had a voice like I had never heard before live. She also just made up songs on the spot, which was something I had never seen before either. I have known her now for almost 20 years and to this day I don't know anyone who can do what she does on that level. We actually wrote songs together after that for a while.
About 30 minutes into her first set, the bartender brought me another screwdriver. I had not finished the first one, nor had I ordered another. I asked him why he brought it to me. He said that it was sent to me and had been bought for me. That had never ever happened before. I looked around the bar and I guess I hadn't noticed that every person in the bar was male, except for Kim. I looked at Kim and nodded to her, thanking her for the drink. She nodded back.
At this point it dawned on me.  I was in a gay bar. I guess I knew that since I was in the Church St. and Wellesley area, which was a well known gay part of town, that this was a gay bar. It just had never occurred to me. Anyway, what did I care? Gay bar or straight bar, I was there for the music. Even if it was sent by a woman it would not have mattered. I loved women, but on this night I was there to see Kim sing.  Not to get laid.
I accepted the drink and paid no more mind to it.
Kim finished her first set and came back to sit with me and chat. I thanked her for the drink. She said she didn't send it. Okay, now I was startled. If she didn't send it,  who did? She knew what was going on, but I did not. At this point I was 28 years old and in very good shape.  I still played a lot of sports and worked out, so I did get hit on a lot at bars by women and was used to it. But if Kim didn't send me the drink,  obviously it had come from a man. I started to become uneasy and Kim realized it.
It was now time for her to go up and start the second set. As she did I asked the bartender "who sent me this drink?" He said that guy over there at the end of the bar. He also now sent me a second one. I told the bartender I didn't want it, but he said it was paid for and just set it down in front of me.
The man at the end of the bar came up to me and said hello. Being the nice guy I was,  I said hello back. Everyone at the bar, which was now about 20 people, knew what was going on. It was obvious to them he was gonna try and pick me up for a one night stand. It was also obvious to all of them that I was not in the least bit gay, or even curious to try it once and find out if I liked it. I have nothing against anyone who is gay, but it is not my thing and I have not then, or now, had any interest in any contact with men. I always make that clear.
In this case, that did not seem to matter or phase this man. He was intent on making it happen. We talked for a bit, and he was hinting at what he wanted. He was in his late 50s and obviously this was something he had done before. As he continued to hit on me, I continued to give off the vibe that I was not going to play ball with him.
Kim's second set now ended and I was a bit pissed. This guy had monopolized my time  so much that I missed most of the songs from the second set. I didn't know Kim at all but being the perceptive woman she was she decided to come to my rescue. She sat down beside me and joined the conversation. Kim and I have now known each other for almost 20 years,  as I mentioned before, and have never had any physical attraction to each other. In spite of that, she decided to do what she thought she needed to do in this case. As she was talking to this man, she put my hands on her hips. When he got distracted for a few seconds she whispered in my ear to play along. He got up and went to the bathroom.When he came back to sit down, she moved my hands a little higher and turned and laid a big passionate kiss on me. She acted like we were a couple. That should have been the end of it. He should have gotten the message.
But he didn't.
She went up to play her third and final set, and he was still there, trying to get me to go home with him. At some point I just flat out told him "Buddy, I am not gay". That was still not enough for him.
He explained to me this is a known gay bar and that if I was in it, I had to like men. I explained to him that gay men also go to straight bars and no one expects them to date women. Still, he was not deterred. He insisted that I had to be gay and that I was just not interested in him.
Finally it took the bartender to tell him to back off, as I was so stunned by it all that I really didn't know what to say.
The next Tuesday I went to see Kim sing at Quinn's. It was a great experience and we laughed about it all. At that jam I met her friend Michelle. She was super hot and when she came at me, there was no hesitation as there had been at the gay bar on Church St. I went home with her that night and it was one of the best one night stands I ever had.
Horses for courses I guess.
I have never since been back to a bar on Church street. Nor will I.

First Kiss

When I was 12, my family moved from Montreal to Toronto. We didn't know many people, so at the time we spent a lot of time with my cousins. One of my cousins was very close to my age, as I was only 4 months older than her.
Now the details are somewhat foggy, but I do remember most of it. At the time, I was a major jock. My life had always revolved around either playing or watching sports. On this day, I was in my room, with her, and somehow we were wrestling, on the floor. It was probably to see who was the stronger of the two, as we always did stuff like that. But at this point, we were both maturing and she definitely had beat me to that, as she had blossomed a lot in the last year and had all her girl parts in full bloom, while I had just had my growth spurt and was just barely taller than her at this point.
Anyway, we were wrestling, and somehow she got on top of me, and pinned me down, as she was just barely stronger than me. She had my arms tied up and her legs by my side and her body weight on my stomach..so literally I could not get up or move. I remember there was a pause..and then for whatever reason she leaned over and kissed me.
Now, I had no idea how to do it or what to do next..but I'm pretty sure she had kissed before. I was startled and just lay there. A few seconds passed, then she kissed me again, but this time, I kissed her back. My memory was that I was lousy at it, but she didn't seem to care. This went on for about 10 seconds. After that, I don't remember a thing, other than to say I was always interested in her in that way for about another year of two. In spite of that we never ever kissed or did anything else again.
So, that was technically my first kiss, but not the one I remember the most.
A year later, I was in high school and some of the cooler kids invited me to a party. Now,  being a jock, I had never been to a party, and certainly not to one where the good looking girls would be. As the night went on, there was some alcohol, some dancing, some music but then the night progressed to the point that most of us (about 15 or 20) were sitting in a circle, and spin the bottle was about to happen. I guess I knew what that meant but I was still pretty naive and didn't really know what I was going to do next. I had never really kissed a girl, except for that little episode with my cousin, which really wasn't a kiss, and frankly I was slightly nervous because on top of it going to be my first real kiss, there were going to be 15 or 20 people watching me do it.
And, after about 5 or 6 spins, it was my turn and the moment was at hand. No turning back now. And so it just happened. The first girl, Sandra (no last names), was someone I knew from french class, but was never really interested in anyway. We kissed, and it was okay, but really zero chemistry. It went okay, and she seemed to enjoy it and I'm sure she had done it before, but it didn't feel right with her.
The next girl I remember spun and got me. I could somehow tell by the look in her eye that she was happy to spin and get me. I knew her from around school and we had chatted before, and sure I was attracted to her but I always thought she was just being nice to me as she was a very popular and pretty girl.
As we got closer I guess I could tell that this kiss was going to be different. It started out much more personal and tender and there was much more hands and body involved than with Sandra. We kissed for probably two minutes and it didn't seem like we were going to stop. There was definitely a strong connection, really the first one I ever remembered with any girl. Her name was Molly..and later we spun and got each other again and each time the kiss was better. Funnily enough though we became decent friends over the years of high school and never dated or kissed again. We did slow dance at the dances and were fairly friendly, but never any more than that. Just never happened for some reason. But I will never forget how that felt.
Later on, I ended up spinning and getting a girl named Lisa. Lisa was a real girls girl. Very curvy, very soft, very pretty with nice soft sexy lips. All I can remember about her is that she kissed great, her boobs were soft against my chest, and her lips were the softest of any girl I ever remember to this day. I don't think we had any connection, but I did feel turned on by her.
In the aftermath of that night, I never kissed nor dated any of those girls, although I knew them all for the entire 5 years of school and was friendly with all of them.
So what do I take from that night with me today? Well, I think for me I learned there are three types of girls you encounter in life. One is the type you have no chemistry with and the kiss is empty and just lips. The second is the type where your head goes all dizzy and its like the two of you are becoming one physical being. The third is the type that feels great, physically turns you on, but it only lasts for a short time and then fades away and doesn't hold your attention.
So, what are your thoughts, experiences, comments about my first time and/or yours.