Monday, October 31, 2011

Scary Dream

The bell rang. It was time. Time for the first class. I barely remembered where to go. I had reassured my mother that I would do okay.  I knew my stuff. But the reality was that I knew nothing. I couldn't bullshit my way through this one.
Now it's forty minutes later. The class is over. Math class. First test. The page is blank. I hand it in. The teacher, a very overweight man in his mid 50's, knows I didn't write any answers down. He offers to help. But he knows, and I know, there is no help for me. I am doomed to fail.
On to the second class. Science class. I have always sucked at science. I barely came to class anyway. I never even opened the book to study. I wanted to make sure I was a complete failure. I had achieved that. This time I have to endure the whole 40 minutes. One agonizing second at a time. Finally, it's over. Another blank sheet. No answers coming out of this body. I hand it in. The teacher doesn't even notice..or care.
Now it gets worse. Time for the third class. I have been skipping school so much that I have never even bothered to go to any classes after the first two. I don't even know where I am supposed to be to go fail. I am lost. Totally lost. I am in the right place , but I have no idea where that place is.
Suddenly, I am walking the halls, passing lockers. Endless lockers. They seem to lead nowhere. It's like I am on a merry go round that never ends and I can't get off. I approach a hardware store. A hardware store in the middle of a high school? Makes no sense. Nothing makes sense. I go in anyway. There are all sorts of cut wood pieces. Everywhere. Why? I don't know. But I am fascinated by them.
The attendant tries to serve me. Tries to help me. That's his job. There is no help for me. I am lost. I don't even know if I should be here. Why I am here. Wait, I know why I am here. I am hiding out. I have been so busy skipping school for the whole semester that I don't want to go back out into that hall. If I did that, I would have to admit to everyone that I don't even know where the next 4 classes are. I can't even go to the places I am supposed to go to fail properly.
Luckily, I wake up. It was just a dream. Reality is actually better than fantasy in this case. Now, do I really want to go back to sleep?

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